Jobber Knocker

Joestopper’s Cruiserweight Report 5/7: An Oasis Of Wrestling Television!

The most avid wrestling fan would have to admit that the previous week has not proved to be must-see television. Brand splits mean nothing. Opportunities for Money In The Bank are handed out without validation. Apparently, tag teams are being punished with Icy Hot? I don’t know, I turned off RAW after Ricochet actually proved deserving of his MITB inclusion. With Sami Zayn getting to meet the Cincinnati DPW the hard way, I can honestly say I’ve never been more psyched for a new episode of 205 Live. WWE Network, take me away!

The episode begins with Maria and Mike Kanellis hyping up Mike’s “No DQ” match with Akira Tozawa, touting that 16 years in the industry has prepared him for this Main Event. Brian Kendrick, though banned from ringside, retorts as Tozawa’s mouthpiece, citing his loss to Tozawa in a street fight as evidence of Kanellis’ coming demise. No use of therapeutic cream needed to build THIS feud.

Ariya Daivari, the No. 1 Contender to Tony Nese’s championship, is out next for action. Back in our lives, yet again, is Noam Dar to take him on. Before the match can begin, Nese is out to join commentary. This is a more cocky Premiere Athlete on the mic, running down Daivari as nothing more than a mouth-runner. After two anklelocks from Dar, Daivari proves too much for the Scottish Supernova. He hits a Persian Splash and hammerlock lariat for the win. Nese enters the ring afterwards, but only to play mind games with his former colleague.

Oney Lorcan is backstage, acknowledging his loss to Daivari for top contender. He claims that when the next chance arrives, nothing and nobody will stop him from becoming Cruiserweight Champion.

Apparently, the 205 lb weight limit does not apply to jobbers. The Bollywood Boyz viciously squash these clearly-not-CWs, and call out the Lucha House Party for ending their undefeated streak. Almost as quickly, GM Drake Maverick informs Maria that she is banned from ringside for the Main Event as well as Kendrick. Jack Gallagher is hyping up a potentially great Fatal 4-Way match in London with James Drake, Mark Andrews, and Humberto Carrillo. Along with Ligero facing Nese in the O2 Arena, it makes for scintillating action!

Tozawa enters, followed by heel Kanellis. Tozawa applies an Octopus on the rampway, but Mike transitions it into a sidewalk slam! A table is set up, and chairs are tossed into the ring. A suicide dive from Tozawa is met perfectly by a superkick, but Mike only gets a two-count. Tozawa regains the advantage by suplexing Mike into two seated chairs. MIke hits a TKO onto a trash can, but cannot finish off Tozawa. After delivering a German suplex onto the ring apron, Tozawa hurricanranas Kanellis through set-up tables from the second rope. In the ring, Tozawa finishes off Mike with a senton onto chairs draping his vanquished foe.

My 100% 100 kg Of The Week

He’d been forgotten as quickly as he’d arrived in WWE after arriving from IMPACT Wrestling. He’ll always be overshadowed by his wife. But unlike others in the past, Mike Bennett did not take a move to 205 Live as a demotion. Rather, he cut weight to get more exposure for the WWE Universe. He’s not a high-flyer by any means, and his heel persona does not exactly showcase his immense talent in the ring. In this episode, however, Mr. “Kanellis” punched numerous holes in his bump card, and made Tozawa look unstoppable in their hardcore match. Too many losses like this may keep him from serious title consideration, but you could have said that about Daivari prior to 4 months ago. Webster’s own gets my 100% 100 kg Of The Week.