Jobber Knocker

Joestopper’s Cruiserweight Report 5/21: “What Could Have Been, What Is, And What’s To Come”

Money In The Bank held so much promise for the future of cruiserweight wrestling. In some ways, they more than held their own. Tony Nese and Ariya Daivari provided a wrestling clinic on the main card (which is an amazement unto itself!), and Nese retained his belt after enduring everything the Persian Playboy could throw at him, including a sick straightjacket driver from the top rope! Running Nese is being established as a dominant finisher, and the camera angle used to capture it provides great insight to the speed in which The Premier Athlete delivers the maneuver. The MITB match also proved to be a great spotlight onto the cruiserweights, with sterling performances put in by Ricochet, Andrade, and Finn Balor. It appeared Ali was going to be triumphant in capturing the briefcase, until everything got Brock-ed.

Brock-ing aside, our Tuesday night showcase opens with a highlight package from the Nese/Daivari match. I’m not crazy about how the match was produced, as both Daivari finishers were executed consecutively with a Cena-esque 2-count as the result. No problem with the finish, however, as Nese has improved greatly as champion. The Singh Brothers are out next, mocking the Lucha House Party’s effort against Lars Sullivan. GM Drake Maverick’s music cuts them off, and I had no idea he had music. Now, I know. Maverick confirms that LHP are not here, but that a “perfect pairing” would suffice as competition. Gentleman Jack Gallagher comes out, followed by Humberto “Shimmy Shimmy Ya” Carrillo. My definition of perfection differs greatly from Rockstar Spud’s, but any Carrillo appearance is better than none. On commentary, Nigel McGuinness brings up the idea of collusion in the Carrillo/Gallagher duo, but Aiden English claims that this is not the show to discuss collusion. Make Aiden Great Again! Gallagher hot-tags in and throws some stiff rights to both Singhs. The Bollywood Boys try chicanery to pull out a W, but an Aztec Press from Carrillo wraps this one up for the new team.

Mike and Maria Kanellis are backstage, wondering why a 5-Way match is needed to prove anything to anyone. Oney Lorcan is next, and he’s interrupted accidentally by Vic Joseph. No respect for Biff at all! The commentators bring up cryptic posts from Drew Gulak, because that’s what people talk about in 2019.

Akira Tozawa is out first for the Fatal 5-Way, and he’s hot off of the No DQ victory over Kanellis. Mike follows, and he’s trailed by the returning-to-action Brian Kendrick. Lorcan enters next, followed by a promo-ing Daivari. I like the idea of Ariya having to prove worthy of a re-match, but honestly, his MITB outing speaks volumes. Kendrick and Tozawa tie up, and with his goatee grown back, I doubt The Man With A Plan is staying friendly with Tozawa. Nese is watching backstage as Kendrick locks in Captain Hooks on Daivari and Lorcan, but cannot submit either. Mike yells at Lorcan that Providence is Oney’s hometown, yet Webster is closer to PVD than Southie is. Get a map! The action breaks down in the ring with a Tower Of Doom, but onlooker Daivari hits a Persian Lion splash for a 2.9-count. The referee gloves are out, as Daivari’s ear is bleeding. A series of 2-counts commence, with Tozawa rolling up Daivari in the chaos for a victory. Nese is nodding approvingly at his tv screen, and I’m nodding at my computer screen because…

My 100% 100 kg Of The Week

… goes to the man from Kobe, Japan! To be honest, I was not impressed with his previous stint as CW champion. Triple H must have felt similarly, because he did not hold the strap for long. He had good linguistic skills, yet tended to be cartoonish with his warrior barks that overshadowed his technical skills. But on the low, he’s been rising back up the ranks of 205 Live, and his hard-hitting brawl with Kanellis opened up a lot of eyes. Picking up the win in the Fatal 5-Way likely cements a title shot against Nese, and locks in my 100% 100 this week.