Jobber Knocker

Joestopper’s Cruiserweight Report 7/9: It’s Extreme!

Heading into this Sunday’s pay-per-view (does anyone still ORDER pay-per-views?), cruiserweights are completely dominating the card. And a as-of-yet unannounced match that yours truly is really looking forward to is the returning Shinsuke Nakamura vying for the Intercontinental Championship against title-holder Finn Balor. The two put on a clinic on Smackdown Live, and fans of 100% 100s will be joining me in anticipation of these two turning their games up to 11 for Extreme Rules. On that subject, our episode of 205 Live will be featuring a main event of Oney Lorcan and Ariya Daivari in an “Anything Goes” match. With how well these two work together, it’s a shame that this couldn’t make the PPV, but I’ll take what I can get.

Lorcan opens the evening, listing all the things that he’s now allowed to do to Daivari. The Persian Playboy sneak-attacks from off-camera to set the action off backstage. Producers break up the fight, including GM Drake Maverick, who has decided to extend his honeymoon to scenic Manchester, NH. Hey, it beats Newark eight days a week, and it’s good to see him on his own show for the first time in weeks.

THE Brian Kendrick opens up the evening’s matches, taking on the challenge of Sunil Singh. Apparently, the Bollywood Boyz tried offering Kendrick a Lifetime Achievement Award, but couldn’t because Kendrick hasn’t done much during his tenure in WWE. Kendrick mocks the Bollywood dance, and the match is underway. Lots of interference from Samir at ringside and more dancing from Sunil grind this match down to a Kane pace. Kendrick eventually locks in a Captain’s Hook on Sunil for a tap-out victory. The Bollywood Boyz double-team Kendrick, but a returning Akira Tozawa evens the odds to fend off the heels.

The “first of three” sit-down with Humberto Carrillo is next. Having him in this format helps to mask his promo weaknesses. He speaks of watching AAA as a child in Monterrey, MX, and wishing to make his family proud. Having reached 205 Live at such a young age, I’d say he’s doing this well.

Gentleman Jack Gallagher is out next, facing off against an unnamed JOBBER ALERT!!!

There’s a lot of joint manipulation, including tying his mystery opponent up in the ropes, a la Zack Sabre Jr. For seemingly no reason, Mike Kanellis starts throwing a hissy fit at ringside, prompting producer Sonjay Dutt to come out from backstage to eject him from the announcer’s desk. I guess Maria didn’t appreciate the pickle-flavored ice cream. Maverick talks to Kanellis backstage, admitting he’s had a lot on his mind of late. Perhaps he even understands what Mike has been going through over the last week. Mike retorts that Maverick has caused all of his current family problems. Maverick claims that he needs to fine Kanellis for tonight’s disturbance. Mike reminds him that he has a match next week, and that next week’s fine will need to be bigger. Sigh, at least we’re getting advanced notice on matches next week.

The main event begins by Lorcan beating up Daivari on the ramp. Chairs are tossed into the ring, and the nearby NH crowd are crying for the Boston Butcher to incorporate tables. Daivari tries to attack with a trash can, but Lorcan takes him to Dick Kick City. Daivari takes a couple of tosses into a set-up ladder, but kicks out after two. With a chain wrapped around his head, Ariya drives Oney’s head into multiple turnbuckles. In a cool variation of it, Daivari applies a Camel Clutch with the head of Lorcan’s head wrapped in a chair. A barrage of uppercuts gets Southie Strong Style back into this match, as he acknowledges the crowd’s desire for tables. Setting up chairs at ringside, Daivari blocks a powerbomb attempt and hits a backdrop onto the furniture. Ariya hits a Persian Lion frog splash from atop the ladder, but Lorcan kicks out. The second table malfunctions, but Daivari plays to the crowd and grabs a third. This allows Lorcan time to recover a hit a Superplex through the tables to gain the victory. Both men are worse for wear, but this made for a great culmination to this feud.

Vic Joseph, Nigel McGuinness, and Aiden English talk up the defense of the CW strap by Drew Gulak against former friend (and champion) Tony Nese. Gulak claims he ended their friendship because Nese couldn’t help him build a better 205 Live. Nese claims that Gulak never desired a better 205 Live, but only cared about himself. A recap is shown of their thrilling Number 1 Contender match prior to WrestleMania, at which point Gulak says he realized no one would help him, so HE needed to improve himself. Nese reminds the viewers that while Gulak IS champion, he never pinned the Premiere Athlete. This will all be settled at EXTREME RULES!

100% 100 kg(s) Of The Week

You read that right, loyal reader! On this evening, I divvy up my award between two absolute canvas painters in Oney Lorcan and Ariya Daivari. Not that this is needed, but The Persian Playboy really does bring out the very best in The Boston Butcher. The personalities, the in-ring work, everything just complements the other. It’s a special moment when two workers gel like this. It makes me shake my head that if Vince McMahon had zero opposition, this show would be cancelled in favor of a third hour of Smackdown. And perhaps he will eventually get his way, at the expense of a great feud like this. For the meantime, let’s all appreciate great matches here on the Showcase Of The Cruiserweights, 100% 100s! Congrats to Daivari and Lorcan for my first-ever shared award.

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