Jobber Knocker

Joestopper’s Cruiserweight Report 8/6: Table Is Set For A Summerslam Feast

It’s time for a six-hour PPV!!! While our collective appetites will be whetted by an onslaught of CW mastery with TakeOver on Saturday (the Street Profit$ are the only non-100% 100 kgs on the NXT card), it’s great to see additions to the SummerSlam main card. While we cringed at how ill-prepared Goldberg was in his matchup with The Undertaker in Saudi Arabia, it’s a guarantee that Dolph Ziggler will make his Spear look like attempted manslaughter in Toronto.. Sadly, on Smackdown, Vince McMahon continued his punishment of Sami Zayn by hotshotting what could have been a stellar match with Aleister Black into an eight-minute squash. I’m still psyched for 20% of this upcoming weekend to be consumed by wrestling, however. 

205 Live opens with a replay of GM Drake Maverick defeating Mike Kanellis last week, ending any hope of a title opportunity for Webster, MA’s finest. However, Maverick states that he has no hard feelings towards Mike, and that he will be treated as any other wrestler on the roster. Since champion Drew Gulak has no #1 contender, a Six-Pack Challenge featuring Tony Nese, Akira Tozawa, Gentleman Jack Gallagher, Oney Lorcan, Ariya Daivari and (for some reason, perhaps only to gas-light me…) Kalisto will decide who faces Gulak this Sunday at SummerSlam. I’m surprised that Humberto “Shimmy Shimmy Ya” Carrillo is not featured in this, but I suppose there is no such thing as a 7-Pack Challenge.

Carrillo IS here tonight, opening the action against Lucha House Party’s Lince Dorado. The Golden Lynx had some choice words for Carrillo last week, not believing the hype and deriding Carrillo’s decision to remove his mask upon entering WWE. Carrillo is far from the only Superstar to de-mask (Zayn and Andrade come to mind), so it comes off as more heelish work from the LHP. The match is paced slower than one would expect for these two, but both got quality offense in. A corkscrew tope con hilo from Carrillo plants both wrestlers into the barricade, resulting in both being counted out by the referee. Carrillo took out his frustrations by flattening both Lince and Gran Metallik with another tope con hilo. 

Nese is backstage, and it’s been a few weeks since he’s been on tv. He was convinced he would regain the Purple Belt at Extreme Rules, and he is still convinced he will take his title back in Toronto. Otherwise, he is not sure where he stands in this division. While I think there is a spot for The Premiere Athlete on this show, there isn’t much he has left to prove to McMahon regarding a main roster call-up. 

Daivari meets up with Dorado, talking up his match with Carrillo. He says that he could be the breakout star of LHP, if he loses the deadweight of Kalisto and Metallik. I wouldn’t consider Metallik to be deadweight, but I wouldn’t mind a heel turn by one of the three. Kalisto is out next, claiming the biggest Lucha house party will be thrown when he regains the CW Title at SummerSlam. His promos are better without a script. Gallagher is out next, and it’s been more than three years since he’s had a chance to challenge for the title (a loss to Neville, at the height of his King Of The Cruiserweights push). Lorcan is out, clad in 205 Live purple and orange, and the man with the largest index finger ever says he is exactly the fighter we need to see face Gulak this Sunday. I don’t disagree. Daivari tries to take a powder at the start, but a suicide dive from Tozawa ends that respite. Lorcan takes out everyone at ringside, then Nese tries to take out everyone at ringside but lands roughly. Gallagher utilizes William V for his crowd dive, followed by everyone catching Kalisto’s attempt and lawn-darting him into the announcer area. Nese’s power game takes over, until a headbutt from Gallagher draws a near-three count. Strong Style ensues between Lorcan and Daivari, with Daivari being tossed to the outside. Nese hits Running Nese on a vulnerable Gallagher, but Lorcan catches Nese from behind with a Half & Half suplex for the win. Gulak walks out to accept the challenge of the Boston Butcher at SummerSlam. Tune in early, people, they’re going to set it off properly!

100% 100 Kg Of The Week

It’s easy to dislike Dolph Ziggler, and the fact that he is still employed by WWE is at times befuddling. He doesn’t play by Vince’s rules (refuses to work injured, goes on comedy tours, etc.), and it has cost him many opportunities. Some would say that having to face a 20-years-past-his-prime Bill Goldberg in Toronto is additional punishment for Mr. Here To Show The World. But I look at this match as an indication of how much faith Vince has in Ziggler. This week, he main-evented Raw and derailed the Ali Express after destroying Rey Mysterio on Smackdown. The best seller in the industry will be ready to make Goldberg’s match with ‘Taker a distant memory, as “Da Man” (no, not you, Becky) will look like a million dollars in the WWE summer showcase. Dolph Ziggler, you are this week’s 100% 100 KgOTW!