Jobber Knocker

JoeStopper’s Cruiserweight Report For 8/27: Shimmy, Shimmy, Ya!


    Greetings, loyal readers! Fresh from a well-needed vacation to northern New England, your correspondent of the CW scene is back and, well, conflicted. You see, we here at the Jobber Knocker have graced the website with our predictions for King Of The Ring. And though I love my 100% 100s like Vince McMahon loves his blondes (maybe not to THAT extent, but the devotion is there), I had to vote with my brain and pick Drew McIntyre to take the crown. Raw’s resident superhero, Ricochet clearly did not check out our amazing website to see this prognostication, as he cleanly defeated the former Chosen One to move onto a stacked quarterfinals! I’ll take my L, as we as viewers have all received a W, courtesy of The One And Only.

Our episode of 205 Live begins with a recap of Oney Lorcan’s team defeating the team captained by CW Champion Drew Gulak. The two surviving members were Lorcan and Humberto “Shimmy Shimmy Ya”, and GM Drake Maverick brings them together backstage to book a match between them this evening in the main event. While not defining either as the #1 contender, Maverick tells them that the winner will get a “future” championship match. Since the belt will be defended by Gulak at Clash Of Champions, one of the two will likely be involved.

To completely bring down my evening, Kalisto is out first flanked by Lince Dorado and Gran Metalik, fresh off of their brief insertion into the Raw Tag Team Turmoil match. The master of the lucha promo will be facing Ariya Daivari surprisingly alone. Kalisto attempts to mock Daivari’s leisure pose on the ropes, but nearly falls off. As you may expect, the Persian Playboy gets the majority of offense. Aiden English and Nigel McGuinness bring up how Daivari is possibly inside the head of Dorado, which will hopefully bring about a heel turn from the Golden Lynx. Kalisto hits a 450, but Daivari’s feet are on the ropes. After failing to hit Salida del Sol, Ariya manages to nail his hammerlock lariat for the victory.


Tony Nese is backstage, talking about how teaming up with Gulak shows that he’ll do ANYTHING to get his purple belt back around his 8 abs. A more defined role for him would be appreciated. The Bollywood Boyz are next, saying that their time on 205 Live has been anything but Lights, Camera, and Bollywood action (their words, not mine). They’re taking time off to review tape and hopefully ease up on the dancing fools gimmick.

Lorcan and Carrillo enter, with a show of respect between the two. This show does a good job when tasked with face vs. face matches, due to fewer story-lines. The Boston Butcher is trying to keep the youngster grounded with his power advantage and Southie Strong Style. After about 5 minutes of sustained abuse, Carrillo begins to take to the air to even the pace. Lorcan blocks a moonsault, but gets hit with a tope con hilo from Air Mexico. Carrillo hits a springboard double stomp and a powerbomb, but cannot put away Lorcan. Oney fires up, and hits a Half & Half on the outside, followed by a top-rope cannonball to the outside. After blocking  a Half & Half from the top rope, Carrillo hits his corkscrew 450 for the right to face Gulak at Clash of Champions. I’m surprised this wasn’t done at SummerSlam, but better late than never. Gulak appears on-screen, congratulating his former pupil but also vows to vanquish him.


JoeStopper’s 100% 100 kg OTW

As much as I was impressed by Carrillo’s match tonight with Lorcan, I have to once again tip my cap to the rivalry between Buddy Murphy and Ali. Murphy is possibly the hottest act on SmackDown Live (regardless of his current losing record at 1-2), and no one elevates his game to the next level like the former “Heart of 205 Live,” Ali. These two put together an amazing opening round bout in the King Of The Ring tournament, with Ali picking up a much-needed victory for his character. I don’t see Ali taking the entire tourney, but with domineering heels in future rounds, it’s good to see a straight-up babyface advancing. Ali and Buddy Murphy, you are both my 100% 100 kg OTW!


This week’s CW Report has been brought to you in part by Proving Ground and its upcoming event, “Proving Ground V” on Saturday, August 31 at the Knights of Columbus in Peabody, MA at 7:00 pm. You’ll have the once in a lifetime chance to boo your Grammar Troll! This collection of talented wrestling ragamuffins is under the creativity and vision of your one and only Detective Nestle. Follow him on Twitter @Nestelmania, and see how far that gets you. Shout out to @TJoftheJK for the fill-in piece during my sojourn to the Granite and Lobster States! I’ll be making my annual pilgrimage to Fenway Park next week, so hopefully one of our crew members can get you the CW fix you so desperately need.