Cruiserweight Report

Joestopper’s Cruiserweight Report 9/5: Better Late Than Never

So, about that “I’ll be taking a week off” thing… I thought I could simply relax my critical quill for the second time in three weeks. Even if no one was able to take this gargantuan torch during this week, I was ready to get my wrestling rundown from the JobberkNocker podcast. Entertaining as always (except for my cameo), Nestlemania got me with a hook to my ample gut with his promotion of a report that I had not even thought of posting. Hence, forgive my tardy ways, here we go!

Our episode of 205 Live begins with GM Drake Maverick talking with both Humberto (Shimmy Shimmy Ya) Carrillo and Lucha House Party’s Lince Dorado, pitching their match as a main event tonight. Dorado brings up the fact that, although he’s a CWC original, he has never gotten the kind of opportunities for the CW Championship that Carrillo has gotten in a short time. Maverick decides to add a stipulation that if Dorado wins tonight, he will be added to the match for the Purple Belt to make it a Triple Threat bout. A criticism of the 205 Live booking format is the onslaught of multi-man matches for the strap, but with Maverick at the helm, at least the contenders have been worthy participants. We’ll see what the evening holds for us.

Tony Nese kicks off the in-ring action tonight like it’s 2017. Still talking to himself about getting the belt around his eight abs, The Premier Athlete is facing off against Mike Kanellis. The Opportunist looks distraught without Maria by his side, which only makes his entrance theme seem all the more hilarious. Nigel McGuinness remarks on commentary that Nese needs a revamp to his character, and that there can be no more “Tony Nice”. With Nese hung up on the barricade, Kanellis surprisingly takes to the sky with a shotgun kick from the apron. Both go on extended offenses, with Kanellis probably looking the best he has since arriving on 100% 100s. Nese hits his 450, but cannot get the pin. Kanellis responds with a superkick and his twisting facebuster finisher (“Love Hurts” patent pending, still) for the surprising win.

Ariya Daivari approaches Dorado backstage to wish him luck against Carrillo, and to remind him that his opportunity is due to the Persian Playboy win against Kalisto last week. The Golden Lynx responds that he doesn’t need anybody by his side to win the championship, but he will join back up with his LHP brethren to throw biggest Lucha House Party 205 Live has ever seen. Meh.

Speaking of meh, The Bollywood Boyz are breaking ground and making improvements in their actors’ studio. Their threats are directed at THE Brian Kendrick and Akira Tozawa, who are facing off against Brandon Scott (clearly NOT a cruiserweight) and Tyler Hastings (doing a solid Colin Delaney cosplay). Some decent teamwork from Kendrick and Tozawa leads to a cool tandem kick-into-a-flatliner finisher. Kendrick calls out Gentleman Jack Gallagher to challenge him to a tag match in Madison Square Garden next week. Imagine that, a wrestling match being promoted in MSG instead of a talking segment!

Oney Lorcan is being interviewed backstage when he is attacked by Nese, throwing him head-first into a rolling crate. I won’t front, this is a mid-card feud I look forward to! Both caped combatants enter for our main event tonight. Dorado and Carrillo adhere to the Code Of Honor, and the Virginia crowd seems amped for the LHP veteran. The action is fast-paced early, but rather sloppy, which Vic Joseph calls a “feeling out process”. Dorado loudly audibles for Carrillo to slow down and focus, and the match gets much crisper. Carrillo hits a monstrous missile dropkick, but knocks the wind out of himself on the landing. Following up with a tope con hilo, the remaining fans erupt in a “205!” chant to Carrillo. After getting his chest blistered by Dorado chops, Humberto connects with an innovative gutwrench powerbomb that garners a near fall.

Dorado hits his Shooting Star Press, but Carrillo avoids defeat by rolling out of the ring. He cannot avoid a hurricanrana into a pin, however, and Dorado is headed to Clash Of Champions. The Golden Lynx is attacked on the ramp by champion Drew Gulak; and as Carrillo tries to help, he is blindsided by Nese. Nese hits Running Nese on Dorado, followed by Gulak hitting CycleCrash on Carrillo as we fade to black.

My 100% 100 KgOTW

It’s true, it’s damn true, I dislike the Lucha House Party. They are mere caricatures of lucha libre, spearheaded by a failed Sin Cara wannabe in Kalisto. My critiques aside, Lince Dorado is by leaps and bounds the most talented of the trio. His alliance (of sorts) with Daivari has given him a brighter spotlight, and it is certainly deserved. Carrillo is definitely talented, but has issues with communication in the ring. Credit to Maverick for realizing this, and inserting Dorado into the upcoming championship match at Clash Of Champions. Gulak has the ability to make any opponent look great, but I’m looking forward to a potential heel Golden Lynx taking the strap at COC. Lince Dorado, you are my 100% 100 KgOTW!