Cruiserweight Report

Joestopper’s Cruiserweight Report 9/17: Eulogy For The 100% 100s

It was going to happen. The signs were all there to see. And yet, loving eyes so seldom notice the dying embers of a fire ignited long ago (OK, three years ago, but whatever). Look, I can deal with the fact that Vince McMahon thinks of the 205 Live roster as “vanilla midgets”, but I just kind of hoped he would forget that there was a refuge for the best workers in WWE. Alas, his “doofus son-in-law” Triple H DID remember the bounty of talent on late Tuesday night, and they will be transitioning into jobbers on NXT’s new live format soon. Since it would be downright criminal to step on TJ’s toes with his stellar work on The Yellow Brand, I will be taking my talents to… be continued…

Our episode of 205 Live begins with a recap of Drew Gulak successfully defending his Cruiserweight Title against the challenges of Humberto (Shimmy Shimmy Ya) Carrillo and Lucha House Party’s Lince Dorado. The match took a major demerit from Dorado’s shoulders being off the mat as the referee began making the final three count, and the irony here is that Dorado was added to the match to make up for Carrillo’s issues with communication. My guess is that Gulak will be able to defend the belt at future TakeOvers, instead of PPV pre-shows. My fear is that the Purple Belt will be relegated to a mid-card belt on Wednesday nights, and it’s so much more than that!

The LHP anthem blares, but Dorado is out here on the solo tip. Ariya Daivari is out to face him, continuing their pointless feud. The Persian Playboy is claiming that if the Golden Lynx had listened to him instead of doing “Lucha” chants, he would be CW champion. He’s not wrong, and Dorado would benefit from a character revamp on NXT. Daivari has really slowed the pace of this match, attempting to unmask the Puerto Rican high-flyer. Dorado hits a majestic cross body, but his follow-up attempt at his Shooting Star Press gets met with a straightjacket slam. The lover of discounted Rock shirts, Daivari cosplays for a second with a Rock Bottom, but Dorado kicks out at 2 ¾. Finally, Lince is able to connect with the SSP (although his legs hit the ropes, continuing his botching ways), and this is hopefully done.

A recap of Tony Nese going full heel and attacking Oney Lorcan backstage airs, and it was a long time coming for the Premier Athlete. The Boston Butcher will be taking on Nese in the main event tonight.

Gentleman Jack Gallagher is out, shaking hands and kissing babies, going one-on-one with THE Brian Kendrick. Unlike the feud between Dorado and Daivari, this is a feud that I hope will continue on Wednesday nights. Gallagher is back to his comedic style, complete with the turnbuckle headstand. Kendrick kicks Gallagher into Akira Tozawa at ringside, giving Kendrick an opening to grab a kendo stick to attack the Brit for a DQ. Tozawa is trying to calm down Kendrick, and help out a wounded Gallagher. For his efforts, Akira takes a kendo shot from Kendrick as well. As well as they worked together as a tag team, Tozawa was never a good fit, character-wise, with the conniving Kendrick. A pairing with Gallagher again would be ideal.

Carrillo is interviewed backstage by Sarah Schreiber. He claims that if the match at Clash Of Champions was a one-on-one bout, Gulak would not be as lucky. He didn’t get pinned, so he has a point. Here’s hoping he gets another shot down the line, as he did shine last Sunday.

Lorcan and Nese enter for the main event, with Nese back to talking crap about his opponents. On commentary, newcomer Dio Maddin remarks about the times he’d pick up Oney under the bridge on the way to the Performance Center. Considering he’s now living under benches, I’d say times have gotten harder for the Boston Butcher. Speaking of hard times, Lorcan is abused outside the ring by the Premier Athlete, barely avoiding a count-out loss. Aiden English explains the recent character change by Nese as realizing that what gets you success may not keep you at the top, and English is a prime example of this! A prolonged scissor hold on Lorcan allows him to Oney up and roll out of the way of a springboard moonsault from Nese. Southie Strong Style is unleashed, and Nese gets thrown into the Atlanta crowd. Nese deftly avoids a Half & Half, but a stomp only gets him a 2 ⅞. Not to be outdone, Lorcan avoids the Premier Driver. Gulak appears at ringside to distract Lorcan, and Nese ends this with a Nestlemania-approved roll-up (complete with a handful of tights) for the crooked victory. The two gloat over the chicanery as the episode fades to black.

JoeStopper’s 100% 100 KgOTW

A couple of years ago, I was asked to add some spice to an already #SupahHawtFiyah website. It gave me the chance to transform into an egomaniacal GrammarTroll, to be sure. But, I’ve also been blessed with the opportunity to write weekly about a group of wrestlers that didn’t get much discussion on a stacked podcast. Hell, I’ve even gotten a chance to pinch-hit on said podcast, and I’m a stuttering fool! Now, with the Wednesday Night Wars about to commence, I’ve been given the green light to start up an All Elite Wrestling Report. I’ll be taking a couple of weeks off to do some homework on the talented roster coming Straight Outta Jacksonville, and will be hitting you faithful readers up with that goodness after each episode of AEW. To the man who has given me this format, Adam Nestle, you are my 100% 100 KgOTW!